I’m still digesting

Thoughts from yesterday:

I want to write a story.  Fiction.  I want the main character to have DID and be navigating within the story as if self aware but not integrated.  I don’t know what genre …Oh well, I’ll keep this idea on the back burner for now, but it’s not the first time I’ve thought of it. Lecherous Fuck affected more than just previous me (me who died and was reborn another face persona) and creating Wish.  He also caused Big bro to go into hiding.  He fundamentally changed Big sis’ role within the body.  The constant, chronic pain from the injury demanded constant attention from the conscious mind.  Big sis (This name is dumb too. [Now you’re just being ridiculous.] No seriously, what would she say if she knew you used such uncreative pseudonyms? [I hadn’t thought that far.]  Valkyrie. [Ok, fine.] Being old makes you boring. [Good thing I’ve got you to nag me into badassdom].) was already in charge of pain at that time, this caused the system to overload.

Thoughts from Lil Sis (this is a stupid name, my new pseudonym is Lula [why?] Because it’s better! [It’s not.] What about Frida? [That name is also dumb] You’re judging people named Frida? [Yes, though Frida Khalo was amazing.] Moon. [That’s fine, you can be Moon.] Yay.)

So I ate Wish the other night. She was full of sorrow and anguish.  Wretchedness consumed her.  A deep chasm that echoed with cries pleading for death, the slickness of violation streaming down our thighs – a body torn asunder.  No one ever saw. No one ever said anything.  I think about him, I think about him often.  Dark months consumed us.  Months and months that had no end in sight.  We were helpless, alone, and afraid.  We made her forget about what happened once we got home.  We made her forget after school.

I have to practice pitching my voice to be more like Kitty-kitty outside.  So I refer to reality, being plugged in, as being outside.  I visit, but it’s not my favorite place in the world. Sure there’s food and flavors, but when you don’t have to stop and eat all the dang time you can get a lot more done and have a lot more fun.  But I do enjoy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

I just want everyone to know that I can totally drive the car and not crash, thank you very much. [With nagging].  Hey, you can’t interupt me here.  [Yes I can.] {I can too} Unfair, no one else ever gets interupted. {Please dear, save us the complaining. You’re not skilled enough to keep us out yet. Actually, it’s not  really a trait you should acquire.} [Agreed, don’t give her ideas.] Please, I’m not that irresponsible.

It’s time to eat dinner now.  Good night everyone. [Night.] {Pleasant dreams.}


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