Being Stable

That’s what being stable is like for me.

… <- That.

That’s it.  My feels are gone for now.  I don’t really feel anything beyond calm.  I understand liking and disliking certain things. I still have opinions, but there is no emotion behind them. Everything is objective.

Everything is calm.

It’s better.  It’s better than being manic.  It’s better than being depressed. It’s better than crippling anxiety.

And it’s nothing.

I can look objectively at my past emotions and actions and pick them apart with ease. Presently everything is detached and rather far away.

And that is how it is right now.

This is where I live now.  I recall the last time I was on psych meds I told the doctor when I would accidentally miss a dose I’d have the sensation of sobering up.

I’ve changed my reality so I can keep living it in with everyone else.

It’s a little sad, I think.  Better than a nervous breakdown, still kind of sad.

Oh well.

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