Correspondence

So I sent my ex-boss an email yesterday:

Ex-boss,

I am writing to inform you that I expect to receive my full paycheck for the 18 tattoo commissions I took between 5/3/16 – 5/11/16. Based on the totals provided to you with my resignation letter the final sum should be no less than $780 plus tips.

After I tendered my resignation, you indicated that you intended to garnish my pay for expenses you incurred on the shop trip to Las Vegas. That was not part of our agreement for the trip, and thus it is not legal for you to deduct those expenses from my check.

Regards,

Me

And he replied in kind:

Don’t worry, I will be mailing your check to you this week. As far as the price for the trip I won’t be deducting that, Although tempting due to your ungrateful, bizarre behavior I’ll be giving you the full amount because to be honest I am just glad to be over this. Over the past two weeks your neurotic and irrational behavior has cast a dark cloud of needless drama over the shop and myself and [Co-artist] are just happy to be past this. Your quitting actually saved us a very uncomfortable and pointless conversation with you. As for your order from Kingpin, I will be returning to sender because you are not part of the shop and they only ship to artists who are in a shop – and it isn’t my responsibility to pay money to ship that to you. So they can refund your order but it is not my responsibility 😊
. As for your check you will be receiving the full amount minus 125$ because I have recently been asked to fix and touch up one of your tattoos and I estimate that it will take me at least an hour of my time so I will have to calculate that out of your totals (as per the shop policy and Just like I have done with [Co-artist] in such cases).

I truly hope you seek therapy and find help for your various “physical” and “mental” ailments; despite what you think of me I put a lot of effort into trying to help you succeed but not everyone can cut it as an artist and not everyone can act as a professional (I mean this – I hope you figure your life out because always being “sick” or using “Fibro” or “PTSD” or “Triggers” or “HRT” or as of late manipulating other’s situations to justify you skipping work to go on polyamory larping dates will truly hold you back both in life and professionally. Good luck to you -I mean that but I have a feeling it will fall on deaf ears.

-Douche nozzle asshole fucker @StabbingYouWithAForeignSubstanceToMakePictures
(Ok fine, he just signed his name.)

So here is my fake reply that I will not be sending to him b/c I’M PROFESSIONAL AS FUCK IRL:

Ex-boss,

Clearly not everyone can act as a professional given your bizarre behavior since my resignation. Now that I understand that you find another person’s point of view irrational and neurotic if their perspective doesn’t match perfectly with you own, I am confident in my decision to end my employment.

Your neurosis manifested itself in various ways including not allowing me to pack my supplies and being irrationally angry when I told you I was going to take the large items that were obviously mine like my printer and standing light. You felt the need to leave your client and quietly harass me as I was doing this. I had originally stated I would be in one last time time pick up the Kingpin order I had made before resigning which you originally agreed to, the next day (when I returned for the rest of my things) you stated you would forward them to me, and now you’ve changed your mind a final time out of pettiness.

As far as manipulating others’ situations, no one in that shop would know more about manipulation than you. You carefully crafted an environment in which you are the sole, benevolent tattoo king who graciously employees and coddles poor lost girls. You chose to give me extra cash under the table to compensate me for the non-tattoo work I did around the shop. You paid for a trip to Vegas. You bought lunch sometimes. And you did it with a smile while keeping a tally in your head so you could call it in when my performance or behavior wasn’t to your liking.

I don’t think you’re used to women standing up to you. When I tried to tell you about my experience in Vegas you quickly shut me down and invented your own story of what I was saying even while I was saying it to you. You decided to bring up all the things you had paid for. When I responded that I never asked you to pay for them the actual conversation was over. You blew up at my statement, called me ungrateful and bitchy, and spent the rest of that time trying to coerce me into saying something I wasn’t saying.

I find your reaction to the truth of what happened in Vegas repulsive and vile.

I informed you from the beginning of my apprenticeship that I was struggling with chronic illness. Considering I was only recently properly diagnosed and am now getting treatment, I also find your tactics rather manipulative. You would often ask me personal medical questions that were technically illegal to ask and violating ADA protocol. I spent the last two years having daily muscle spasms and waking up with extreme fatigue and full body chronic pain caused by a severe untreated progesterone deficiency. Your compassion for the sick is truly astounding.

Also, don’t worry your little head about me going to therapy. I’ve been attending and learning about myself since I was 18 and I never stopped. Considering you believe therapy doesn’t work for you so therefore you don’t need it, I think it’s safe to say who has the larger toolbox, especially based on your bizarre and irrational behavior.

Here are the takeaways: I will not be bought and paid for. My loyalty will not be bought and paid for. My skills as an artist are for sale and that’s it. I truly appreciate what I learned from you as an apprentice and I now have a solid foundation from which my skills can grow.

I’m going to keep learning, I’m going to keep growing. I’m thankful for the help I received when I received it.

I hope you figure out why you become bizarre, irrational, and neurotic towards women who defy you.

Regards,

Me

PS: Polyamory LARPing Dates are best dates.

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